Foundation: Genesis 1:27-28; 2:20b-25 

God created man and woman separately in the garden. The man was made from dirt and then placed in the garden to work it. Since we are made in the image of God, He saw that it was not good for man to be alone, so from the same ground that man was made from, God formed every kind of livestock, bird, and wild animal. As God brought these to the man to be named, Adam began to notice that he did not have anything corresponding to him. So that is when the Lord caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, removed a rib from his side, and then out of it came Eve. Eve was not made from dirt, but instead, a place near Adam’s heart. 

Although men and women were created separately, we notice that God brings them together for the specific purpose of complimenting one another. In other words, there are particular attributes and roles that men play in God’s design. There are also specific attributes and roles that women play in God’s design.

Today, as we continue through our equally complicated series, we will be covering the topic of sexuality. There is the possibility for some people to be offended throughout the message time today, so I would like to lay 2 simple ground rules:

1. 1. We will surrender to the Bible as the ultimate source of unbiased truth.
   2. If I disagree with or become angry with anything that is said, I will start a conversation with Cody and Talor, or someone else in leadership at Living Faith.

This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh. Genesis 2:24

If your actions fall outside of God’s perfect design, you are not disqualified from living a life that honors and glorifies Him.

1 Cor. 6:18-20 “Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body.”

“Sex does not flourish without commitment and boundaries.” -Ellen Mary Dykas

What makes men, men:

First and foremost, sexual intimacy is not something that is defined by an opinion or preference, but rather by God, Himself. 

• As men, we crave intimacy and connection just as much as women do. The only difference is most of the time, women know how to use words while men use hand signals and grunts to communicate. 
• Honestly, men, we were created to be physical. In the original creation account, God designed man to tend the garden and that was a good thing. 
•  The Lord God took the man and placed him in the garden of Eden to work it and watch over it. Genesis 2:15.
• That being said, generally, it is my observation that the physical act of sex is tied intimately to our identity as men. 

Men tend to seek sexual fulfillment as part of their idenity as a whole. Another way to say this is that while men absolutely find joy in the emotional intimacy part of sex, the physical peice of sex does not require us to speak from a deep place of vulnerability or try to put our feelings into a poem. That is an act where we can display our feelings to those that we love most. 

10 Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the atoning sacrifice, for our sins. 11 Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another. 1 John 4:10–11.

• The danger comes when we cut out God and His intended boundaries for sex in order to experience the pleasure of sex. We can not and will not disconnect the emotional portion of sex just because it is difficult for us. We’ll get into it in a second, but our wife needs us to connect with her emotionally. 

What makes women women: 

Women tend to seek sexual fulfillment when facing the need to feel loved, pursued, and secure. Sex doesn't fulfill those things–Jesus does.

Jesus calls you redeemed and chosen. God sent His Son to save you. He pursued you. And your life is secure in His hands, no matter your marital status or sexual activity

• Christian sexuality has a spouse-centered mindset out of a healthy primary connection with God, rather than a self-centered mindset only focused on my needs in my flesh.

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important command. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself.” Matt. 22:37-39

For her, it is all about him. “Like an apricot tree among the trees of the forest, so is my love among the young men.” SoS 2:3

Intimacy for single women looks like being fully known by the Lord and surrendering your temptations and struggles to Him. We can experience emotional intimacy in friendship with same-gender friends, confiding in them and experiencing a closeness in community. However this is different from sexual intimacy and should not be pursued in same-gender friendships. Only the Lord can fully and perfectly satisfy our need for intimacy.

“Women, this is what men in your life need from you in the area of sexuality.”

Singles: 

• Dating: In God’s created order, men lead and women respond. If you are in a dating season, as men, we need you to have this conversation with us early and often. With healthy and safe bounderies in place, we need help to learn how to lead you in every form of intimacy. Keep in mind that most men have never seen what it looks like to lead in a healthy and biblical way within a relationship.
• Not Dating: As men, we need validation and encouragement. Not to fuel our egos or pride, but to call out the subtle things that God is doing in our lives. God has so richly blessed women to see the small things and honestly, the things that men often over look. So choose to speak life over the men in your life that you consider friends. 

Married:

• Ladies, we need you. Without going into much detail, God made woman to be a complement of man. With that said, you are so many things that we are not. So I ask you to be gracious and generous with your husband. Not even for his sake totally, but for God’s. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Eph. 5:31-32
• Consistency matters. Sex is not a weapon to wield when we don’t get our way. “Do not deprive one another–except when you agree for a time, to devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again; otherwise, Satan may tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” 1 Cor. 7:5

“Men, this is what women in your life need from you in the area of sexuality.”  

Singles:

• Don't ask the question how far is too far. → What limits do I need to put in place to avoid arousing something I have no outlet for? SoS 2:7 “I charge you…do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time.” repeated in Song of Songs to the chorus of women
• Make sure her attachment is to the Lord first before you for emotional intimacy. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.” Matt. 22:37 

Married Couples:

• Safety & vulnerability –the marital bed is an intimate representation of Christ and His Church, to fully know and be fully known. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This mystery is profound, but I am talking about Christ and the church.” Eph. 5:31-32
• Sex is precious and reserved for marriage by the Creator of all things good. It is there to be enjoyed with your best friend and life partner. 
• If it feels like a chore, then an honest conversation needs to happen with your husband. What brings up those feelings? Is your mindset spouse-centered or self-centered? Have you evaluated your love languages? Are you speaking those languages?
• If you have trauma or past hurts, from before your marriage or earlier in your marriage, vocalize those and be sensitive to walk through them together. Sex in marriage is all about intimacy and growing closer together, honoring the needs of the other above your own.

How we can grow in appreciation of the opposite sex

• Sex is like a fire: within the bounds of marriage, how it was designed, it's like a fire in a fireplace providing warmth and comfort for those in the house; outside of marriage, it's like taking the fire out of the fireplace and it destroys the house and harms the people involved.
• Keep first things first: Sex nor marriage can satisfy you, only God can. When we get things out of order, everything falls apart. Don’t worship the gift, worship the Giver.