Wives:

1 Peter 3:1–6 (NIV)

Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Verse 1:

Peter kicks us off today by writing specifically to the Spirit-filled women who have chosen to follow Jesus, but their husbands have not. Peter is giving these women the secret sauce to winning their husbands to Jesus. He writes that they are to submit to their husbands, even though the husbands do not know Jesus. 

“If you are in that boat today or you have been in that boat, you know how easy it is to submit. You submit complaints. You submit requests.”

Submission is best understood as “to voluntarily yield your rights or will to someone else’s wishes or advice, as an expression of love for that person.” Another spin on the term would be to define it as simply considering the needs of your husband and fulfilling them.

In all discussions related to submission, if the wishes, desires, or needs of the husband involve a direct violation of the Word of God, then submission does not apply.

1 Peter 2:11 (NIV)

Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul.

Submitting yourself is the opposite of selfishness and being independent. Sometimes submitting yourself means that you are choosing to be satisfied with less than you deserve. The main goal of this is that you look so radically different from the world, that you end up leading your unbelieving husband to Jesus. I think that it is important to recognize that there isn’t a timeline or expiration date for this order from Peter. The shift or the change occurs when the Husband chooses to follow Jesus. 

This does not mean that a wife is never to speak, but rather that she is not to resort to constant arguments and nagging discussions. The husband will be more influenced by the behavior of his wife. This links this chapter to chapter 2, where verse 12 indicates that the non-Christian audience can be positively influenced by Christ as they observe the consistent and godly behavior of a believer.

Verse 2:

Peter is also writing the Kingdom sisters about purity and reverence. This is not talking about purity from the sense of sexual purity, although that is definitely part of it. Purity in this passage refers to a high standard of moral and ethical values. In other words, as a daughter of God, He gets more of a say in your life and in your marriage than anyone else. It is the value that He places on you that when internalized and personified, is attractive to not just husbands, but anyone who does not know Jesus.

Verses 3-4:

I want to immediately speak to the fact that Peter is not telling limiting women to a bland dress code in this passage. There are certain denominations that used this passage to justify a certain level of control over women using this passage and I want you to know if you are familiar with that vein of thinking or belief to know, that this passage was never meant to be legalistic. Rather it’s purpose to to re-focus the attention of women to the heart of their Heavenly Father and how He created them. 

Seneca, the Roman philosopher, referred to women in this time period who wore two or three fortunes in their ears.

I think that there is a certain level of truth to that even today. There are a lot of ladies that I have met who care entirely too much about what is “on trend”. 

Peter encourages Christian women not to lose their sense of value. They are to recognize the beauty of character that is far more vital and important than external beauty. This beauty, available to all women, is much deeper and more valued by God. This beautiful character is described as having a gentle and quiet spirit.

The word gentle has a caress in it; yet behind gentleness stands the strength of steel. The supreme characteristic of the “gentle” woman is that she lives under perfect control. She is not given to panic but exudes great strength. “Quiet,” too, suggests being under control. It also means “to evidence a calming influence.” Together, the two words speak of strength of character, and strong self-control, describing a person of quiet elegance and dignity.

Verses 5-6:

We see in this passage an example of what it looks like to live this out in a way that honors the Lord. 

The end of verse 6 adds a caveat: their behavior toward their husbands should not give way to fear. Submission to husbands should not arise from fear or intimidation. Christian women should not be bullied or forced into this kind of behavior by their husbands

Husbands:

1 Peter 3:7 (NIV)

7 Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives, and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so that nothing will hinder your prayers.

Husbands should approach their marriage relationship intelligently. They are to live with their wives according to knowledge, not fantasy. Marriage is a real-life relationship, not a soap opera drama. To live with your wife and demonstrate wisdom suggests a deep desire to understand your wife, to get to know her at more than just a surface level. It suggests a sensitivity to her needs and a desire to respond to these needs knowledgeably. In many ways, this sounds like submission, although the language is different. It hints at the concept of mutual submission.

 “Treat” has a special significance. Classical Greek writers always used it in reference to what is due from one person to another. The giving of respect or honor to your wife is not simply a “nice guy” kind of thing to do. It is the husband’s recognition of her because it is her due. This emphasis is added with the word respect. This word is sometimes translated as “price” or “precious.” It indicates value and esteem. It suggests the giving of respect because a wife is precious to her husband.

Let’s get to the tension point… In regards to the weaker vessel. This weakness does not refer to intellectual, spiritual, or emotional weakness, but only to physical weakness. Such “weakness” does not make a woman any less important in God’s eyes. Husbands should recognize and understand this physiological difference and positively adjust to their wives. God established husbands as the protectors of their families, as such, he equipped us for that by creating men to be the physically stronger sex.