Communication: The processing of sharing information between people or groups.

You have all of these emotions in you, and all of this logic, all of these needs and though processes coursing through your mind. The frustrating bit is expressing and ingesting the information in a Godly way.

Ephesians 4:29 AMP
29 Do not let worthless words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear you speak.

Communication Ground Rules

Communication Needs to be Christlike

Often when it comes to communicating with one another, the Jesus in us goes out the window fast and our flesh comes barreling in.

Proverbs 18:21
“The tongue has the power of life and death.”

Communication Needs to be Selfless

If I’m selfLESS in my communication, then the point of the conversation is about understanding one another.
If I’m selFISH in communication, then the point of the conversation is being HEARD.

Proverbs 18:2
“A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.

Communication Needs to ACTUALLY HAPPEN

Ephesians 4:15
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”

Praying about things but never saying anything to the person doesn’t let THEM know you have an issue.

Communication DOESN’T Need to ALWAYS HAPPEN

You don’t need to say it just because you’re thinking it. Use DISCERNMENT in what you DON'T say.

Proverbs 21:23
He who guards his mouth and his tongue
Guards himself from troubles.

Differences in Communication

Personality and Gender differences are GOING TO happen, but In everything you have to compromise to the middle.

Romans 14:9
“Let us therefore make every effort to do what leads to peace and to mutual edification.”

Internal vs External Processing

Internal Processors have to think quietly to themselves before speaking.
What they end up saying is set in stone. External Processors have to speak out loud to understand what they think and most of what they say is filler until the last thing.

Neither one is wrong.

The key is to know your audience, and if you don’t know how they prefer to communicate, spend time to get to know them, or ask them!

Over Communicating vs Under Communicating

Women are more likely to over explain something and connect the thing they are talking about to a bunch of other thoughts, and Men are more likely to stick to one topic and say a few logical and straight forward things and call it a day.

Neither one is wrong.

Men:

Watch out for the frustration that comes
 when a female in your life asks you clarifying questions
... usually they’re not a detective grilling you for information,
 they’re just trying to understand you.


Women:

Watch out for the frustrations that comes
 when a man doesn’t express themselves using many words.

Verbal vs Non Verbal

Verbal communication is using words and tone to express yourself. Nonverbal communication is using body language, gestures, and even the LACK of talking to express yourself.

Neither one is wrong.

Men are more likely to use non-verbal cues to speak, and what they they DON’T say, or HOW they say something is more important than the words.

Women are more likely to stick to verbal cues and use 10 words to every 1 that a man uses.

Insecurities

In general, Women are often afraid they will be too much and Men are afraid they won’t be enough.

Women are wired to be nurturers who support the people around them and do things to serve people in a really selfless way. The fear in that is that people will be put off by their actions, and ostracize them for going overboard.

Men are wired to be providers and protectors who stand guard over people around them and keep things peaceful and in working order. The fear is that the people will not trust them enough, and they won’t live up to people’s expectations of them.

Proverbs 12:18
“There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing.”

Conflict

Conflict is Unavoidable. The question is “do you want it to be one time conversation only at the end as a big blow out that destroys everything or an ongoing conversation that’s done in love and come comes to a resolution?” The little conversations along the way show love.

Guys, there’s a tendency for you to come across in conflict as overly harshly criticizing.

Women, there’s a tendency for you to come across in conflict as emotionally manipulative.

James 1:19
“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.”

Proverbs 15:1
“A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

Psalm 141:3
“Set a guard, O Lord, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!”

Use this as a template for the conversation:

“I feel ______ when you ____.”

• Seek reconciliation 
(work through things, don’t avoid)
• Be mindful of timing 
(choose appropriate moments to discuss important issues)
• Avoid making assumptions and listen fully to the other person without thinking about how you will respond next to “win”

Encouragement and Showing Value

5 most common Love Languages:

1. Quality Time
2. Words of Affirmation
3/4. Acts of Service
3/4. Gift Giving
5. Physical Touch

Quality Time:
Men are more likely to want that quality time to be static, just BEING in the same place.
Women are more likely to want heart and planning to be put into it.

Words of Affirmation:
Men are more likely to make up nicknames and encourage people with exaduration or even sarcasm.
Women and more likely to call out character traits in a sentimental way.

Acts of Service:
Men are more likely to fix things or build things that are outside of normal.
Women are more likely to take care of practical everyday needs.

Gift Giving:
Men are more likely to spend a lot of money on something.
Women are more likely to create something, or give something heartfelt.

Physical Touch:
Men are more likely to pat someone on the back,
or even do something that comes across as aggressive.
Women are more likely to softly touch and linger, 
or even just pull in close.

Proverbs 12:25
“Anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up.”

We don’t encourage people for OUR good, we do it for THEIR good, so encourage someone else in the way they recieve it not in the way you receieve it or naturally want to give it.

It’s our goal as believers to not only clearly express what’s in us, but also to do it in a way that builds people up, and blesses them.

James 1:26
“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”

Men
Please take this to heart and learn how to communicate your thoughts and feelings.

Women
Please don’t use the excuse of “your emotional state” to dismiss your poor communication.

Ephesians 4:29 AMP
29 Do not let worthless words ever come out of your mouth, but only such speech as is good for building up others, according to the need and the occasion, so that it will be a blessing to those who hear you speak.